Captains Day @ Blackley Report, Friday June 28th 2016

The last captain’s day notes from Blackley were still on my computer. There were a few changes in conditions. Rock hard fairways had become swamps. The morning was drier than the afternoon and those that ventured out posted the results shown below.

 Results of morning team event

 Mention 23pts  Terry Tobin  Phil Lancaster  Alan Saville
 2nd Place 23 pts  Martin Scott  Pete Derbyshire  Andy Southworth
 Winners 24 pts  Martin Claffy  Ian Ringwood  Dave Baynes


 PM Individual event

Nearest the Pins
4. Mel Garner 7. Dave Baynes 10. Bill MacBeth 13. Geoff Haynes
Longest Drive
Geoff Haynes  2's  Geoff Haynes  Bill Harris


Top 5 finishers

  Points Handicap Revised
5. John Martin 29  No change
4. Arthur Hughes 31  No change
3. Terry Tobin 32 9.7 9.2
2. Bill Harris 33 9.6 8.6
1. Brian Murray 35 27 24


We had been expecting a big turnout for this event what with a free pint off the captain and lots of goodies to boot. A few regulars were missing but the lure of a triple rollover 2’s pot dragged in a few old faces. It was very wet in the afternoon on got worse as it was raining constantly.  It was probably a good thing a lot of occasional players didn’t turn up as they would have been put off golf for life. As it was there were a few players who did not manage a full 18 holes. No need to mention names you will know them from the smell of Mycota foot cream coming off their trench foot. There were a few who managed to put creditable scores in. Arthur Hughes posted 31 points and has been asked to be the poster boy for Wet wipes.  Bill Harris was back with a 2 as well, along with Geoff Haynes. I didn’t see that coming.  Brian Murray won a very popular victor. He has run the betting and the raffle for as long as I can remember. He put his success down to the rain. Apparently his secret stash of fags had got wet and he couldn’t light them. It was Captains day and you had to feel for Kevin the rain ruined his parade. There were plus points on the day. The steak pie was terrific and the road works outside the club planned to start that day were rained of for a week. Fingers crossed for better weather at Rochdale.




Portland cup at Hart Common or Arthurs back on the throne, Friday May 26th 2017

The day started with chaos on the roads. Luckily for us captain Kev had a very neat traffic app on his phone and we got to Hart Common in good time. We were not the first there though Bill Harris was sorting the money side of things with club secretary. It was an insight into Bill’s input to the society he had travelled up from south Manchester and must have set off at seven o’clock. The club secretary probably out gunned Bill in the input stakes as she was also doing the catering. And good it was with perm any 2 from 3 Bacon, egg and sausage muffins. Being such a hot day I decided to put the roof up on my Pope mobile to keep it cool in there. On opening the sliding door one of Kev’s suicidal bottles of wine attempted to top itself. Miraculously it landed on the top and no wine was split. Kev is going to ask his priest for some holy water to splash on the van. I think he might splash some on his putter as well. With the teams rearranged into 6 three balls the need for ghosts was exorcized. The course proved to be as good as reported.   

Below is a table of how the morning team event panned out.

 Results of morning team event

Mention 23 points Martin Scott Brian Murray Alan Saville
2nd place 23 points Mel Garner Arthur Hughes Stephen Payne
Winners 23 points Martin Claffy Joe Boyd Chris Murphy


Denis Holyland was there to greet us at lunch he has not changed a bit. Unfortunately Arthur who had started the morning striding the fairways like Ghandi was struck down by Delhi belly. We had to leave him curled up on the couch groaning and trotting off at regular intervals. No taxi driver was going to risk taking him home Arthur had to pass the time away in the clubhouse. I dropped back in to see how he was before playing the back nine. The noises coming out of that toilet are going to haunt me for the rest of my life. He was mumbling something it took some time but I eventually worked it out he was saying “I’ve got a towel in my mouth”. There followed a scream and a huge whooshing sound. Arthur said he felt better and thanked me for popping back. He told me to get back out there and win it. I was a man on a mission I needed fresh air. News of Dave Baynes’s  amazing scoring on the front nine had trickled through the field people thought there was only second spot up for grabs. But low and behold his wheels wobbled rather than came off and I pipped him on a card play-off. My luck did not end there I won the draw. I had had a bet on myself which I don’t always do. I was on a high and wanted to drive home with roof up in the pope mobile parading the cup. But it would have ruined my MPG and Kev was talking broken biscuits. I have only 2 regrets on the day.1. I didn’t buy a lottery ticket. 2. I didn’t wash my hands after shaking Arthur’s  ooh got to go.     


 PM Individual event

Nearest the Pins
2. Dave Baynes 11. Ian Ringwood 14. Martin Claffy
Longest Drive
Andy Minshull  No 2's


Top 5 finishers

  Points Handicap Revised
5. Mel Garner 32
4. Brian Murray 32
3. Howard Dickson 33 16 15.5
2. Dave Baynes 38 19.6 15.9
1. Steve Payne 38 20.3 16.3








Spring Plate at Stand GC, April 2017

Spring Plate. Fast greens and faster tables

The event was held at Stand chosen as it has a reputation for good drainage throughout the year. It did not disappoint. The greens were being ironed on the day and the speed of them was a revelation for this time of year. The layout was quite hilly and there were no buggies so everybody was walking. There were quite a few weary legs making their way up the steep hill to the last green. Not everyone was tired playing the last in the morning event. Joe Boyd managed to hit is approach over the green onto the clubhouse roof. It bounced off that through the car park and was last seen going down the road in the direction of Radcliffe.  Below are the results from the morning event.

 Mention 25 pts  Bill Harris  Martin Claffy  Paul Sinnot
 Mention 26 pts  Pete Derbyshire  Howard Dickson  Kieran Dunn
 2nd place 26 pts  Kev Bolton  Ian Hopkins  Dave Baynes
 Winners 30 pts  Joe Boyd  Steve Payne  Ian Ringwood
Nearest the Pins 6. Nobody   13. Pete Derbyshire No 2's
Longest Drive Martin Claffy      


Top 7 Finishers

   Points Handicap  Revised
7. Andy Southworth 28 21.5 21.7
6. John Martin 28 21 21.2
5. Geoff Haynes 28 8  8.2
4. Ian Hopkins 28 19.6  19.8
3. Mike Hill 30 19  18
2. Dave Baynes


21.4  19.4
1. Pete Derbyshire 33 22  19


Having recovered from the fast greens of the morning we were introduced to the fast tables when having our soup and sandwiches. Great care had to be taken when placing anything on tables. It was like the placed object had a piece of dry ice underneath it and it was likely to slide off. A few people who were playing 18 holes only turned up at lunch. We were all pleased to see Andy Minshull had managed to turnout having heard of his medical problems at the AGM. It was touching to hear Ian Ringwood say he was using a strap-on. I think the Portland is more of a family than a society and Ian had made this statement not out of some obscene boast but to put Andy at ease. Captain Kevin was keen to make amends for his moment of remiss at the AGM. He announced he had really put the boat out and then delved into his baggage and pulled out 2 of the smallest bottles of wine I have seen in my life. I have researched wine bottle sizes and they were the smallest, known as a split. Of course Kevin was having a laugh and had 2 normal sized bottles which he has decided to distribute via the draw. They are just called a bottle. I could be guessing here but I think one was Australian stored in a barrel made of wood normally reserved for making boomerangs. The lucky winner of that bottle was Howard Dickson. That was where Howard’s luck ended. He placed the bottle on the table. The bottles homing instincts kicked in and head back to Kevin via the hard dance floor. Very messy I shall be contacting the wine bottlers association with the suggestion of the name ‘A Spilt’ for normal sized bottle. 

Back to the golf most people thought the course was challenging but good. Martin Claffy was not a fan of it but he was off colour. This was not helped by his electric trolley packing up before he had reached the first tee. His expansive game was not suited to the course and it was amazing that he didn’t lose a ball and still had enough energy to win the longest drive. With only 2 par 3’s there were no 2’s so it will be a rollover to the next event.

This event was won by Pete Derbyshire. Quite an achievement considering he had had 5 shots docked off his normal playing handicap due to the prop past at the AGM whereby you play of your lowest handicap for the first event which then is developed as your Portland handicap for the season. It was the first anniversary of Pete’s Gran’s death and so he dedicated his win to her. Everyone was pleased for Pete he’ll see one trophy this year